DUBLIN, 1 December 2010
The world of Irish politics was rocked to its foundations today when the long-standing but distressed financial institution Fianna Fáil announced that it would undergo self-resolution to deal with a mounting (vote) deficit situation. Under the resolution scheme, the performing parts of the institution would be moved into a new "Recovery Party" while the legacy debts would remain under the existing "Fianna Fáil" umbrella. Previously unseen party documents referred to the legacy instition as "B&B" which had been thought as a reference to the similarly restructured UK building society Bradford and Bingley, but sources explain that it is in fact a reference to "Brian and Brian."
It is understood that the legacy Fianna Fáil will fully recognize all losses in a forthcoming election, at which point the unencumbered assets will move to the new institution. Generous compensation will be paid to senior officials facing separation under the scheme, and this compensation will not be subject to claims by future creditors of the legacy unit. Mid-level officials in the current unified structure are optimistic that they will not be tarnished by the legacy debts, and are reported to believe that now disillusioned customers will be ready to deal with the Recovery Party on the previous favourable terms, since the legacy debts may also pose problems for competitor institutions. Resolution is facilitated because most creditors of the legacy institution (the Irish voters) are unguaranteed and unsecured.