I hereby admit and affirm without duress to the following:
1. I swore Bay'aat (ie allegiance) to Sheikh Osama Bin Laden to conduct jihad of self and money, and also Hijrah (ie expatriation to any location in the world where Jihad is required).
2. I was a member of the al-Qa'ida Council.
3. I was the media operations director for al-Sahab, or "The Clouds", under Dr Ayman al-Zawahiri. Al-Sahab is the media outlet that provided al-Qa'ida-sponsored information to al Jazeera.
4. I was the operational director for sheikh Osama Bin Laden for the organising, planning, follow-up, and execution of the 9/11 operation under the military commander, Sheikh Abu Hafs al-Masri Subhi Abu Sittah.
5. I was the military operational commander for all foreign operations around the world under the direction of sheikh Osama Bin Laden and Dr Ayman al-Zawahiri.
6. I was directly in charge, after the death of sheik Abu Hafs al-Masri Subhi Abu Sittah, of managing and following up on the cell for the production of biological weapons, such as anthrax and others, and following up on dirty bomb operations on american soil.
7. I was emir (ie commander) of Beit Al Shuhada (ie the Martyrs' House) in the state of Kandahar, Afghanistan, which housed the 9/11 hijackers. There I was responsible for their training and readiness for the execution of the 9/11 Operation. Also, I hereby admit and affirm without duress that I was a responsible participant, principal planner, trainer, financier (via the military council treasury), executor and/or a personal participant in the following:
1. I was responsible for the 1993 World Trade Center Operation.
2. I was responsible for the 9/11, from A to Z.
3. I decapitated with my blessed right hand the head of the American Jew, Daniel Pearl, in the city of Karachi, Pakistan. For those who would like to confirm, there are pictures of me on the Internet holding his head.
4. I was responsible for the Shoe Bomber Operation to down two American airplanes.
5. I was responsible for the Filka Island Operation in Kuwait that killed two American soldiers.
6. I was responsible for the bombing of a nightclub in Bali, Indonesia which was frequented by British and Australian nationals.
7. I was responsible for planning, training, surveying and financing the New (or Second) Wave attacks against the following skyscrapers after 9/11:
a. Library Tower, California.
b. Sears Tower, Chicago.
c. Plaza Bank, Washington state.
d. The Empire State Building, New York City.
8. I was responsible for planning, financing and follow-up of Operations to destroy American military vessels and oil tankers in the Straits of Hormuz, the Straits of Gibraltar and the Port of Singapore.
9. I was responsible for planning, training, surveying and financing for the Operation to bomb and destroy the Panama Canal.
10. I was responsible for surveying and financing for the assassination of several former American presidents, including President (Jimmy) Carter.
11. I was responsible for surveying, planning and financing for the bombing of suspension bridges in New York.
12. I was responsible for planning to destroy the Sears Tower by burning a few fuel or oil tanker trucks beneath it or around it.
13. I was responsible for planning, surveying and financing for the operation to destroy Heathrow Airport, the Canary Wharf Building and Big Ben on British soil.
14. I was responsible for planning, surveying and financing for the destruction of many night clubs frequented by American and British citizens on Thailand soil.
15. I was responsible for surveying and financing for the destruction of the New York Stock Exchange and other financial targets after 9/11.
16. I was responsible for planning, financing and surveying for the destruction of buildings in the Israeli city of Eilat by using airplanes leaving from Saudi Arabia.
17. I was responsible for planning, surveying and financing for the destruction of American embassies in Indonesia, Australia and Japan.
18. I was responsible for surveying and financing for the destruction of the Israeli embassy in India, Azerbaijan, the Philippines and Australia.
19. I was responsible for surveying and financing for the destruction of an Israeli El-Al Airlines flight on Thailand soil departing from Bangkok Airport.
20. I was responsible for sending several Mujahadeen into Israel to conduct surveillance to hit several strategic targets deep in Israel.
21. I was responsible for the bombing of the hotel in Mombasa that is frequented by Jewish travellers via El-Al airlines.
22. I was responsible for launching a Russian-made SA-7 surface-to-air missile on El-Al or other Jewish airliner departing from Mombasa.
23. I was responsible for planning and surveying to hit American targets in South Korea, such as American military bases and a few night clubs frequented by American soldiers.
24. I was responsible for financial, excuse me, I was responsible for providing financial support to hit American, Jewish and British targets in Turkey.
25. I was responsible for surveillance needed to hit nuclear power plants that generate electricity in several US states.
26. I was responsible for planning, surveying and financing to hit NATO Headquarters in Europe.
27. I was responsible for the planning and surveying needed to execute the Bojinka Operation which was designed to down 12 American airplanes full of passengers. I personally monitored a round-trip Manila-to-Seoul Pan Am flight.
28. I was responsible for the assassination attempt against US President (Bill) Clinton during his visit to the Philippines in 1994 and 1995.
29. I shared responsibility for the assassination attempt against Pope John Paul the second while he was visiting the Philippines.
30. I was responsible for the training and financing for the assassination of Pakistan's President (Pervez) Musharaf.
31. I was responsible for the attempt to destroy an American oil company owned by the Jewish former Secretary of State, Henry Kissiner, on the Island of Sumatra.
A SuperWar needs SuperVillians. KSM played along. Since he confessed to about 30 plots, if you assume (as McCarthy always does), about 10,000 fatalities per plot, then torture saved 300,000 people! If you think the real world doesn't have so many Dr Evil types, the calculus doesn't look as good.
UPDATE: National Review's Mike Potemra --
[John McCain] quotes an al-Qaeda leader as saying to him that U.S. torture was an effective recruitment tool for al-Qaeda. Is it not at least possible that the al-Qaeda operative was lying to him? There would be plenty of incentive for the terrorist to spin McCain; for the senator to recount this without any apparent skepticism makes him look naïve, and thus undermines his overall point.
Say again who is recounting the possible spin of al-Qaeda operatives without any apparent skepticism?